Changing of the Guard

In a few short hours, the torch will pass from President George W. Bush to a liberal madman with absolutely no clue of how to run anything more complex than his mouth.

The outgoing president has frustrated me many times, and overall he fell short of my conservative expectations. I knew he was a globalist when I twice cast my vote for him, but I was still under the impression that he would lead the nation out of the darkness brought by the Clinton gang.

Mr. Bush scored highly with his opposition to stem cell research, partial birth abortion, hate crimes legislation, tax hikes, and the assault weapons ban inked by his predecessor. After 9/11, the US was not attacked, so I am left to assume that he did something -- covertly or otherwise -- which averted an encore. (In the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, a phone call echoes in which W spoke directly to Muslim leaders, assuring them the US military would vaporize Mecca should we be struck again, a tactic that might have bought our safety until Inauguration Day, 2009.)

Officially beginning tomorrow morning, all three branches of government will be controlled by lunatics from the far left. Many of these people belong behind bars or on heavy medication. Rather, they will be at the helm of this once-proud ship and its 300 million inhabitants for at least the next two years -- unless, of course, the last bastion of pseudo-conservatism, those we know as the Supreme Court, vacate November's election for lack of eligibility of the man who will very shortly be transformed from President-elect to President-faux.

This man of change is a virtual Jimmy Carter on political steroids, unrestrained by the House or Senate, a thought which simultaneously gives me a cold chill and scalding nausea unfazed by Xanax and Tums. Obama will surely make all America's enemies proud. Televised throughout the world, he will be inaugurated before the adoring eyes of Putin, Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Osama bin Laden, and every cutthroat and every leader of every drug cartel and poppy field from Colombia to Afghanistan to Nigeria.

Mr. Obama refers to himself as a devout man, a deeply religious man. Charles Manson's followers were devout people, and Osama bin Laden is deeply religious. Should these revelations bring me peace or to my knees in prayer that I may be spared long suffering and die quickly following a blinding flash?

It's nice to know that our new devout leader will be cheered on by the Gay Men's Chorus, led by a homosexual priest (oxymoron of the millenium). Planned Parenthood and the ACLU will have front row seats to the gala which will be carried live on everything from my TV to my palm pilot to my toaster oven -- though I refuse to watch any of it as I register a tiny whimper of protest in the only way I know how.

Beginning 1/20/09, the rights of the death culture will trump those of the moral minority, something we've seen blowing in the wind for at least twenty-five years. If you doubt that our constitutional rights have been shredded, try standing on a public sidewalk and handing out Christian literature while homosexuals march in a gay pride parade, committing blatant acts of indecency as they stroll through public streets in the nude. You will quickly find yourself in the back seat of a Ford Crown Victoria, heading to the local police precinct to be fingerprinted, booked, and jailed on some ludicrous non-charge.

So if you think the last eight years were a bumpy ride, hang on.